Tony Arribas starts off this “Being In Conversation With” episode by sharing an anecdote about his mum who has dementia, realising that he’s now more calm when caring for his mum, not taking his thoughts as seriously or getting angry and reactive when his mum gets caught up in her thinking. He notices how that feeling of peacefulness and okayness inside of him allows his mum to experience more peace too.
Tony talks about that space of being that we touch when we get quiet from beyond the intellect, where we’re just being in the moment without trying. That space has brought him so much peace and changed his life.
He talks about the gift of knowing that we’re always okay, no matter what’s happening. The gift of knowing what thought really is, a power that we should be grateful to have, but that’s often misused. Tony shares that anyone can understand how the mind works, it’s there waiting for the person to see, it’s in front of their eyes, beyond their thinking, beyond that egotistical space, it’s the space beyond the story of who we think we are, it’s the miracle of life itself that we’re part of, where we can see that everything is functioning really well, where things are working for us, where our mind is working for us too.
Tony shares a couple of experiences of his life where he didn’t yet have the understanding of the Three Principles but was able to touch that peaceful space for himself, catching glimpses of another direction to look in, knowing there was another part of himself that he wasn’t yet seeing, however at the time thinking that part was still outside of himself.
He talks about his experience of coming across the Three Principles, meeting like minded people and at first trying to make the understanding work in his life. He also shares more about his experience of letting go of his identity of being a carer, not being defined by that role and looking to the outside for guidance on how being a carer looks like.
Tony talks about how he’s now more able to recognise his own wisdom and insights, sharing that they work for us all the time and our wisdom can still come through even during times of being caught up. There doesn’t need to be a perfect condition for wisdom to be, wisdom is and sometimes we hear our own wisdom, universal wisdom, sometimes we hear it when we’re really caught up and are in a terrible space, sometimes we hear it when we’re in the shower and have got nothing on our mind and sometimes in moments when we have something on our mind. The answers comes from this deeper space that sits within us all.
Kaye shares that in the past it’s made sense to her, that having a quieter mind would create a more peaceful state so the idea of meditating and stilling the mind, seemed like a good idea to her. What she sees now is that one never finds a quiet mind in that personal mind space because that’s not where it is. She talks about there being another room to look in and instead of looking in a room full of personal thinking for a quiet mind, believing that we should have fewer thoughts, better thoughts, different thoughts in order to change our experience, it’s about noticing there’s another room or dimension to look in. So when people have said to Kaye before, look inside, she looked in the room full of personal thinking, thinking she needed to quieten that room. Now she knows the inside becomes the outside.
Tony rounds up this conversation by saying that everyone is capable of feeling well being, and nobody has to be the victim of other people’s moods. If we wait for someone else to change we’re lost. Once we realise we create our own feelings, including our bad feelings, we know we’re in charge and we’re free from blaming someone else. It’s futile to have bad thoughts and feelings about someone else because it’s not their well being that we can’t see, it’s ours.