Ivana starts off this Being In Conversation With episode by sharing an insight that she had around how her well being isn’t dependent on another person also being in that same space.
Kaye talks about the labels we put on ourselves and that others put on us, boxing each other into specific roles to make it easier to interact with each other from within those boxes. Kaye can see how she used to do that in the past and how she also sometimes purposely would show up in a different box to the box the other person would put her in, just to have an ego battle and rebel, being a rebel without a cause. Now Kaye can see that all these boxes that we make up for ourselves and for others, are made up. She now no longer believes in them and she no longer needs to show up in the box that another person puts her in. It just doesn’t even occur to think that there is a box anymore.
Ivana talks about noticing the well being in others instead of worrying how someone is showing up, knowing they’re absolutely fine, knowing they might have gotten lost in their personal thinking, not needing to worry about how to help them get out of that space. She shared a recent story about her daughter’s 8th birthday party and how when they went bowling with a group of friends to celebrate, Ivana noticed her own thinking flair up when one child stopped enjoying the game of bowling after the first round. She could see how the disengagement of one child impacted her own daughter’s enjoyment at the party and how as a result Ivana started to have lots of thinking on how her daughter should react to keep the party going. She came to the realisation that she doesn’t need to worry about her daughter’s well being, and she doesn’t need to change her own experience that she’s having, or be concerned with anybody else’s well being at the party.
Kaye shares how she can see that our well being comes 100% from within us, and expectations and personal thinking gets in the way of that and limit us. She reminds us that it’s never someone else’s well being that we can’t see, it’s our well being that we can’t see in that moment. Which is very freeing as it means we don’t have to look at someone else’s well being. As soon as we drop into beingness and out of personal thinking, we realise there is no other, the other person is no longer separate to us, they’re the same.
Kaye shares a snippet of a recent chat she had with Jacqueline Hollows about an opportunity to go into a sex offender’s prison to share the understanding of the Three Principles. She talks about how she had lots of personal thinking come up in that moment when being presented with the idea, however also realising that underneath it all, these offenders too have well being and they’re okay. Kaye can see that it’s just a reflection of where she is when she looks at people. She can see that people aren’t inherently evil, people are okay and that’s true of everybody. It’s freeing to know that it’s not about them and that it’s about her and where she’s at in that moment, seeing that by not taking her own thinking seriously she can have a different experience.
Steph shares that she hadn’t seen before that it’s really her own thinking that she projects onto others when she looks at them being in a low state of mind. She shares that on occasions she doesn’t even have any thinking about where others are when she engages with them, she just has understanding where they’re coming from. She can see the difference between being in a space of understanding vs thinking she has understanding about another person’s state of mind which she can see is coming from her own thinking. She can see when she’s not coming from that space, understanding is just there without the extra commentary of “oh they’re in a low state of mind or they’re just caught up”. Steph can see how we never need to take anything personally, we have the capacity to simply live life.
She remembers a quote from Sydney Banks about the potential of “being all states of consciousness”. She can see that when she dwells in an expanded, more purer consciousness state, she can be all states of consciousness, have complete understanding for others where she can be and see their level of consciousness, dwelling in understanding and bathing in love.